Listen, Just This Once
by GrayKat144
Summary: She is no good for you, but I can be. She doesn't love you with all her heart like I do. But yet, she's the one in your fantasies of happily ever after, and she makes your dreams a reality because you only ever dream about her. I am merely just your friend. And I'm sorry you have to find out like this, but I need to get this off my chest. I'll go, but please listen, just this once.


Please, just tell me what's so fucking great about her.

What's so wrong with me that I cannot be seen as a goddamn option for you?

I've been biting my tongue, holding back my feelings for so fucking long now, and I just can't hold them back all the damn time. I feel if I don't get this out now, then I'm just gonna fucking explode out of frustration. I don't know what it is you want, but whatever it is, I _can _be that.

First, just let me throw my thoughts onto the table. No interruptions, just let me speak my mind, and then we can converse.

…I love you.

Yea, you heard me right. I love you with all my heart. I love you so much that it hurts when you go to leave the room, or even when you're on the other side of the table or wherever the fuck you're at. I love everything about you, everything you do is grand. The way you blush and pout when you get a compliment, your laugh, the way you and I would sing together no matter how awful we sounded together, I love it. Even when you space out is mesmerizing to me.

I love all your little quirks, and even when you're teasing me about stupid things, like the fact that I can't snap or that I'm the last one to get dirty jokes, it makes me feel butterflies and I can't help but smile.

Of course, you could never feel the same way about me.

You probably don't see my quirks as endearing, you see them as flaws. You don't see my face as attractive, you see the face of a friend, or a sister, or some non-loveable entity in your eyes, something that you _can't _spend forever with, and have kids with and grow old and gray with.

But when you look at her, you see all of heaven and more, don't you?

When you see her face, do you see happiness for you? When you look into her crimson eyes, do you see your future? When you hold her hand, are you going to be holding that hand forever until the end of time? When you kiss her, are her lips the only pair of lips you want?

I used to think a bit more gently on the subject, but now that my emotions have raged over the brim, I can't hold back all my words. There are so many things I just want to fucking scream at her, but you're always there beside her, scaring me away from telling you both my true feelings.

You could be reading this now and not even know it was about you, eh? You would have no idea that your best friend is writing this and that I truly feel this way.

I feel ridiculous, ranting on and on like this. I feel like some pathetic, desperate bitch, and I might just be that. All I really want is for you to wake up and say, "Hey, Gothitelle, maybe I love you," or some shit like that, but I know it will never happen. You love Gardevoir. You could never love me like you love her.

I just don't see what's so wrong about me, though. We have a lot in common. For example, we like the same music, and we have the same pastimes, and we just hit it off so well when we first met. I was just a shy little girl, and all I see is this handsome Gallade come over and coax me out of my shell by being friendly, and funny and so nice to me.

I knew at that moment, all I wanted was to please you. I wanted to make you happy, because you made me happy. I wanted to make you smile because you made me smile. I'm even smiling right now and my tummy is turning warm and fluttery as I remembered when you were sad, and I kept trying to make you smile and offering to bake you cookies and I finally broke through. I finally got to see your dazzling smile, even if it was small. Even though you were hurt and depressed, that small, genuine smile told me that I meant at least _something _to you, and that I could be your sunshine during cloudy days.

…Do you remember why you were sad that day?

Well, I do. And I'm sure you do too. Even if you have forgiven her, and tried to forget that day, surely you still remember that day.

Gardevoir left you. She dropped you like a hotcake, and left you for another guy. She and this other guy were talking even while you two were together, and she dumped you, _hard_. Remember when she handed you the note and walked away? You already knew what was there, but you read it anyway to confirm what had just happened. _She left you for another guy. _

Remember how emotionless she looked? How she didn't seem upset, or felt any regret and really didn't seem to care about you anymore? Do you remember the pain you felt when she turned around to this other, mysterious guy who no one even really knows who he is?

…Now do you remember me comforting you through all this?

You were upset; I could sense that. Naturally, I ask you what's wrong, and you show me the note. You put your head down and starting blaming yourself, when I know it's not your fault. You kept looking for a loophole, some way to get her back, some way to tell you that she's not gone forever. It pained me to see that you were so desperate to get _her _back when_ I'm _right here comforting you. I loved you back then, too, but maybe not as madly as I do now.

I kept trying to talk of better days, change the subject, but you kept asking yourself how to get her back. You couldn't even look at me. You were too busy remembering her, weren't you?

I remember I finally said something right, and you faintly smiled. I felt relieved that I brought you out of that slump for at least a second. To me, that was a sign that you could heal, that you could move on and maybe see me the way I see you.

But I've never been that lucky. Bad things happen to me before good things can.

No one knows what happened between Gardevoir and the other fellow, but whatever did occur, she started running back to you.

And of course, you waited there for her with open arms.

I know you two aren't officially together again. But I now know that I have been blocked off. Our friendship isn't as powerful as it used to be. In fact, it's more diluted now, and you kind of ignore me now.

You two aren't officially together like last time, but I know it's only a matter of time. You found her again, and all my hopes and dreams about us, about you and me, are gone. There is no chance of you and me ever becoming something special like I've always wanted. You can lie to me all you like, telling me that you two are "just friends," and won't be more than that again, but I won't believe you.

Despite how silly and odd I act around you, I'm smart. I know what's going on. You can't lie to me; you're not that good at it.

All I really know now is that I miss you and I love you, but the worst part out of all this insanity is knowing that you can never love me back. You will never feel the same for me. You will never love me. You will never want to be with me. You will never ask me on a date, watch me as I walk down the aisle, raise kids with me, grow old with me and be buried next to me. I already see that you would rather do all of that with _her._

All I have left to say to you now is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for loving you, Gallade. I'm sorry for seeing you as more than a friend. I'm sorry for wasting your time with my pointless nonsense. I'm sorry constantly wanting you here beside me. I'm sorry for wanting the best for you and thinking that the best for you is me. I'm sorry for all the trouble that I've caused you. I'm sorry that when I say I'm happy for you, I'm lying.

Gallade, I'm sorry I ever fell in love with you.

Sincerely, Gothitelle


End file.
